Just What Is It With Single Guys?

"Hey what about the weekly updates you promised"?
Ok, yeah I got it, woefully neglectful of my weekly blog update and all I can offer right now is a re-hash of a little rant I published on a swingers website a year or two ago.

To freshen it up a bit I injected a few lighter moments along with a section containing a small sample of recently received emails from would be playmates. They are particularly noteworthy either because the hopeful sender was just a little too short or long on words, or in some cases really weird. If you just happen to be reading this and see a familiar looking note, don't be offended, it's just our warped sense of humour. Rest assured we're not laughing at you but laughing with you 😊

Our track record for actually hooking up and doing the horizontal tango is pretty abysmal it has to be said. Admittedly as you will have read elsewhere in this blog, we are not a 24/7 hardcore lifestyle couple but more than enjoy the occasional hookup, we take our time selecting "Mr. Right", who 95% of the time turns out to be Mr. Wrong, why?

To explain: We frequently get emails and private picture requests from a wide range of guys, a large majority of whom could easily form the subject of many other blog posts. Seriously, try reading a few lines beyond the headline, if you don't fit the demographic, we're looking for then chances are you won't be receiving a reply.  But staying on track, if we like the look of someone's profile, we will either respond to their request to contact them or contact them first, all normal so far, you'd agree, right?

So, with the initial greetings and pleasantries dispensed with we'll correspond via email a few times, just to get a sense of their character. It's worth mentioning there tends to be some warning signs of their impending flakiness, the primary one is how the initial enthusiasm drops from instant replies to increasingly longer gaps between responses. Hey, we get it, you changed your mind, you likely got access to our private pictures but no biggie, just say you changed your mind and bow out gracefully, we won't be offended, we'll just appreciate your honesty.

But the guy we’re corresponding with confirms he’s open to meet in person. So far so good, at this point we drop the first bomb, usually in the form of: "So we'd really like to meet you for a coffee to see if we have some chemistry, how about Timmies next Tuesday at 7pm?"

A very large percentage of those "gagging for it" guys run straight for the hills when they read that reply, Holy shit! Woah! Stop the bus! These people are real swingers and are actually serious about meeting!

So, we never hear from that guy again, he presumably goes off collecting the private pictures of other unsuspecting folks while spanking the Monkey and endlessly fantasizing about you know, actually participating in the lifestyle in the physical sense.

Look we know it can be intimidating, been there, done that, but seriously, it's just for a simple chat over a cup of coffee or whatever. No-one is expecting you to drop the linen and start banging my wife on the counter at a Timmies on Sunday morning just as the congregation from St Pius is filing in fresh from listening to the morning sermon which just happened to be about the evils of fornication and coveting your neighbour's wife.

Then, on the very rare occasion that all the planets are in full alignment, World hunger has been solved & the entire Earth is at peace we finally find a guy that is real enough to actually willing to meet us for that simple cup of coffee. There, not so difficult, was it? If we hit it off, great we can move on to stage two, if we don't then that is of course totally ok, after all it's unrealistic to expect to like everyone. Just be honest, we really, really appreciate it, honesty, integrity and openness are right up there at the top of our list of favourite character traits. So please don't be the guy who informed us via email after the initial meeting that we are not a good match, (which is obviously fair enough) but then 6 months later start bombarding us with friend requests and asking for access to our private pictures, lol.
Erm, how about no!

Ok, bomb number two is in the bomb bay.

Quite often we won't hear back from the guy, yup, making that commitment to get naked scares some guys off. We won't hear back, so after a couple of days we'll send a message and yup, you guessed, radio silence, "ground control to Major Tom, where the fuck did you go"?

So where did he go? Perhaps back to the International Space Station or maybe he got called at short notice to go solve some penguin colony crisis in Antarctica where there is no cellular or internet access, who knows?

But what we do know is that, he suddenly did not have the time or inclination to engage in a highly erotic and very sexually charged threesome with us or a solo encounter with Alanna. 

One fairly recent adventure cultivated over nearly six weeks went south after we met the guy for coffee twice, the second time at his request after he wrote us an email explaining what he would love to do when we all got together at the hotel. So somewhat confidant he was for real we readily agreed to meet him even though we didn't have a lot of time due to another commitment. So after some small talk I pressed him a little to commit to a day to get together at a hotel in the near future.
He actually surprised us both when he started waffling on about his workload and how many quotes he had to do, and how tough it would be to find the time!

So he had basically wasted our time, we'd driven to meet him, despite the prior commitment we'd made to be elsewhere for an appointment only to be rewarded by his lack of ability to follow through, while essentially disrespecting us, nice. We drove away secure in the knowledge we wouldn't be hearing from him again and of course we were right, not that he would have received a reply. Honesty, openness, integrity, it means a lot...

Life is too short to spend time & effort chasing after flaky wannabe guys, so we’ve finally clued in and changed our strategy. Nowadays our swinger site ads make it very clear that only serious contenders need apply. If a potential fuck buddy contacts us, we’ll send him a message thanking him for his interest and suggesting a meet and greet within a couple of days. This is the first cut, a lot of guys flake at this step. If they message back, we’ll ask them to meet us at a place very convenient and close to where we live on a specific day and time. If they can’t make it, we’ll ask them to tell us when they can, we’re reasonable people after all, everyone is busy nowadays. This is the second cut, if they become evasive and non-committal, we thank them for their interest and move on. If the guy follows through and meets with us, we’ll confirm verbally there is a connection and ask for his cellphone number. If he has nothing to hide, (like an unsuspecting wife maybe) he’ll give us the number, then we’ll discuss and agree a date and time to do the deed. The last step is to ask him to book the hotel room and send us the confirmation. This is the third and (usually) final cut, if the guy really wants to get naked with my wife, (and who wouldn’t, lol), he’ll agree and make the financial commitment. By the way I always offer to pay half when he shows up at the hotel. This new strategy is still not guaranteed to work 100% of the time, but our success rate to actually meet people has increased substantially, resulting in a greater likelihood of there being a happy ending for all involved!

Ok, so to those single guy emails, seriously, just putting a few here for a little light relief, if you do happen to be the author of one of the not so good ones and are offended, just let me know and I'll get right on removing it, maybe, perhaps..
By the way I just copied and pasted these, no edits except those necessary to protect identities, my comments are in italics.

The Good.
Hi there, just read your profile and was pretty impressed. I live in xxxxxx, and I'm single separated professional man, I'm 54, don't even look 50, honest LOL. Would so love to meet people in xxxxxx, it's such a game in this lifestyle. I keep in shape, look after myself, love to be social and do a lot of outdoor things. I do smoke, not a lot, I don't have to though. I shall send my profile, and if at all interested I would love to hear from you. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

PS. Feel free to text or call 1-xxx-xxx-xxxx

Good enough to grab our attention, upfront, honest, and bonus! A working cellphone number, he got top marks and has bedded Alanna several times, you can read about him, (James), elsewhere on this site.

Hi there. I came across your profile and I am very intrigued. The female half looks stunning! I would like to get to know you two better and see where it might lead to. I am a 31 year old straight male, I am educated, polite, respectful, and really want to join a couple, especially one with a sexy lady. If you're interested please let me know. Look forward to hearing from you two. Cheers!

Nicely written, a little too young for us but..

Good day
Attractive professional male local xxxxxx/xxxx
Offering drama free NSA fun in threesome, foursome and if interested more some setting
Patience assured and expected. Willing to meet n explore the possibilities
Text direct xxx-xxx-xxxx for pic exchange.
Positive you will like what u see, and positive we can enjoy fun times. Laid back easy going friends first mentality. I respect and honour couple's relationship. Here to add not to disturb.
Cheers

Concise, to the point, almost perfect.

The Bad.

How are you's? How was your weekend? Very nice pics, like tosew more. I have you access to mine. I'm very interested. If you's are lets chat. Have a good day.  

We're not English majors but is it too much to ask to at least read what you wrote before hitting send?

Good morning

Two words, that's it, really? And he was expecting a reply?

So u guys wAnna chat a bit or am I just to young. I have pics if you like. I'm just looking to meet a nice couple.. This is all new to me so I'm hoping to find someone to teach me somethings

Hate to sound snobby but we’d rather teach you basic sentence construction before the sex education lesson begins.

The Ugly (and the last one is kinda creepy).

Please get back....
I come South often....
Well, you definatly won’t be going “South” with my Wife after that 7 word introduction.

 Last one. Creepy, creepy, creepy. I need a shower..

I would love to be discrete with all the perks and pleasures associated with me ultimately pleasing and satisfying you.I would like to establish something preferably where we are most comfy with each other and can be our wild selves.Lets leave the awkwardness at the door and let me treat you as a lady in the bedroom and have raw wild inhibited times together. Iam D and D free,non smoker ,respectful and fun .also very well grommed .I love to kiss ll ,I can send pics via email . You will get nothing but respect I love pleasing my partner .very interesting profile you have my attention I hope I have yours Email me xxxxxx@gmail.com I can email you my pics .thanks )P.s. I do have some squirting experience that's a amazing thing to do to a women . I know the difference between making love and fucking love to show you both I hope you reply.I can email my pic I need to be discrete because of my profession. please email me at xxxxxx@gmail.com.Im just searching for a play
 mate I'm very much a giver when it comes to sex.I can also hold a intelligent conversation .I'm looking for one not them all thanks for the time. I have a flexible time table so meeting isn't a problem.I would love to pleasure you..I really hope you take a chance and reply.?I will drive to you and I'm available..love to show you a great time.I'm married she doesn't like sex her and I have talked I told her I was looking else where. She said have fun with that but I don't wanna here about it .so if you call that cheating I hope not? I'm really looking for one on one at least until I'm comfortable I have never been with a couple so a bit nervous that's as honest as I can be .thanks for your time so far.

Not even sure where to begin with this one, lots of content but try reading it, and yikes, we're so creeped out.
Having "raw wild inhibited sex" doesn't sound like too much fun either, lol..

Mike and Alanna.

In wintertime we tend to hibernate.

We do tend to be less enthusiastic when the weather is cold, Alanna particularly struggles with the thought of getting dressed up in order to go out & party in sub zero temperatures. With that said we did have a nice plan for valentines which was to invite James over to our house for a little hot tub party followed by a movie. The movie in question is the one shot when she & James were on their last date, we called it "No Tell Motel" & he has yet to see it. We are fortunate enough to have a home theatre room in the basement which is fully soundproofed so she was all set to take us both on & maybe finally get that DP we've been wanting to do since the dawn of time. Naturally the plans fell through, James having to bail at a late stage due to a family commitment he couldn't break. So here we are, high and dry, bummer.

We are spending time going through various profiles on our favourite adult contact site though and have bookmarked and contacted a few potential people including a couple of black guys (really exciting!) and married couples (also very exciting) so with spring just around the corner hopefully we'll drag ourselves out of the winter slump and have some fun.

The other thing we've been researching like crazy and also something we've been planning forever is our dirty weekend away with James, I wrote about it in a previous blog post here:Just-few-thoughts-ideas.

Well, we have pricing and have had some discussion with James regarding his availability, its looking like it could be sometime in April. With that said my boss, awesome guy that he is told me earlier this week to think about taking a vacation "somewhere in the Caribbean in April" at his expense! And no, I didn't make that up. So, naturally we are now thinking along the lines of inviting James along to stay at the same hotel. If he can't come then maybe we'll play the girlfriend game in the Hotel bar and see if Alanna can pick up a playmate, so much potential..
Stay tuned.

Mike.

Obsessed with Her Butt.

Some men are breast lovers, some legs, but me? I think I mentioned more than once already that I'm an ass man & totally obsessed and in love with My Hotwife Alanna's butt. Actually I've been obsessed with all Women's asses since the dawn of forever, the endless shapes & sizes are continually fascinating to me. of course there are many exceptions to my obsession, overly fat, flat, flabby & shapeless asses hold less interest, but show me a shapely butt and I'll show you a hard cock, well maybe not but you get the idea.
I have amassed a whole gallery of Ladies derrieres over the years and will show you a few of my favourites. I'd like to post all of them but the internet doesn't have enough bandwidth, lol.

Before I continue with pictures I should also mention that along with the bare butt obsession is butts covered in skin tight pants. I mean who doesn't appreciate a shapely lady wearing yoga pants with no visible panty line in sight?

Ok, so cutting to the chase my all time favourite is a tight pair of jeans tucked into knee length boots.
This particular fetish started when I was around 18 years old and dating a biker chick. She always wore skin tight jeans & knee length biker boots, she had a pretty amazing sticky out bubble butt and totally rocked those jeans. I remember the first time my brother in law laid eyes on her, he nearly tripped over his own tongue. She was way ahead of her teen years (and me!) sexually & proved it by dating a chick when we split, but that's another story.

Fast forward 12 years & I was truly blessed to have met & married a lady who quite literally from the first time I ever laid eyes on her had me hooked on her ass. It really was one of the first things I noticed, a real apple bottom, plump but not fat with just the right amount of sag, perfect for my tastes.

Many years later with the kids grown we began our own sexual revolution & I finally got to fulfil what had by then become a major obsession / fantasy by easing my cock into her tightest of holes. It was & still is the holy grail of sex. Nowadays I get as much of a thrill watching her take a lover in her backdoor. Now that is the true pinnacle of having a Hotwife with a great behind, other men want to pay tribute by fucking her in the butt as well.

Now, to put things in perspective, we are talking about a lady who is the wrong side of half a century in age. She clearly did very well from the gene pool because she has kept and maintained her looks along with her body. You have heard of age defying? Well, that would be my wife Alanna, & yes I know how lucky I am and utter a silent thank you to the Hotwife gods every day.

Unlike Alanna though from my own observations a lot of ladies in their middle years lose their ass. It literally changes to become a very unappealing shape, usually flat and narrower at the bottom (no pun intended) than at the hips. Pretty hard to describe but you will have seen them, this picture illustrates what I'm saying pretty well. It's not for me to judge but for those ladies who insist on wearing tight pants it really does not flatter your butt.

 Ok, so a couple of examples, just for contrast, I took these in January 2016, she will turn 53 years old in a few months, & yes, I'm probably bragging ;)

So I'll let you be the judge, did I win the Hotwife lottery nearly thirty years ago or what?

A couple more of Alanna taken maybe 5 years ago, more comparison, lol.

 


So, Alanna is the outright winner of "my favourite butt since time began award" but(t) here are the runners up, starting with Pornstar Lisa Ann. A world class & truly stunning ass if I ever saw one, & the fact that she's gorgeous helps.

Third we have softporn star Virginia Collins, an amazing bottom from every angle.

Just for good measure here are a few more random ones, enjoy!

And, by way of a footnote despite my opening statement, yes I really do also appreciate nice breasts, also the whole feet, legs & butt combination. Heels, fishnet stockings & a thong, BOING!

Mike.
January 2016

Las Vegas Update and I Finally Got The Video Edited

Damn, I keep breaking my promises to do weekly updates.

 So we are back from Vegas obviously, the time really flew by, as first timers we really didn't know what to expect but I have to say it was a truly incredible time for both of us.
No, we didn't have the opportunity to visit the Red Rooster swingers club, nor did we find the time to follow through with our Hotel bar pickup fantasy, we did have a great time though.

 In all honesty and with the benefit of hindsight the bar scene in Vegas is way too competitive, there are stunning Women everywhere with the probability that quite a few of them are actually hookers. Being Vegas of course I'm betting (pun intended) that a lot of men looking for free sex steer clear of the bars for this very reason.

 What did occur to me though is a better place to pick up guys is in the gambling area, hookers (probably) don't or won't go there to spend money so it makes sense. One small example to back up my theory would be the evening we were wandering through the hotel casino, a couple of younger guys were sitting playing slot poker and Alanna sat between them on the seat in the middle of the row.

 It didn't take more than a couple of minutes for her to strike up a conversation with them both, they were chatting back & forth, the free booze also helping to lower everyone's inhibitions.
Simple really, just pretend you don't really know what you are doing and as she proved most guys will want to be the "white Knight" and help out. I'm pretty sure had I not been there the conversation might have progressed in a more lewd direction. But nevertheless for a moment or two I imagined them coming back to our room to continue playing a different type of slot, (bad joke, lol).

 Sadly, nothing came out of that encounter or a couple of other similar ones, but with that in mind we may try our luck in one of the local casinos here in Ontario, it certainly adds a new meaning to the term gambling.

So to the video I captured during the last get together Alanna had with her FB James.
You can read all about my first thoughts here: No Tell Motel
But there were a couple of key things I did not notice during my first views which only really stood out once I started doing the editing.
By the way, I downloaded & installed Movavi Video Editor & was so impressed I purchased it, it has a ton of options including a zoom mode which came in very handy during editing.

 The highlights for me that I'd kind of missed originally were just how strong her orgasm was when he was tonguing her pussy. The orgasm built slowly over maybe 5 minutes, her moans becoming more urgent & louder. "Oh God" escaped from her lips as she felt herself getting near, she was writhing around then, her back arched and she went into huge spasms as she climaxed. He just stayed firmly planted between her legs as she convulsed uncontrollably, gasping loudly, it really is truly incredible to watch my wife completely abandoning herself to another man. Even more exciting is that he managed to get her off just using his tongue, it takes a lot of stimulation for her to cum, usually requiring her favourite bullet vibe. I can attest that it is not at all easy to get her off with oral stimulation alone, so watching the intense orgasm he gave her was especially erotic, if I was the envious type I'd be jealous of his ability right now, lol.

Here is the link to our Tumblr blog with the audio file, unfortunately I can't upload the video, James works in a security job but enjoy!
Audio of Alanna being brought to orgasm orally by James

 Then as the orgasm subsided she turned her head sideways and looked directly at the camera, effectively looking straight at me. The look on her face is indescribable but she was very clearly in the moment and full of lust. The zoom function I mentioned earlier came in very handy at this point as I panned the camera close to her face maintaining pretty good resolution. It's said that the eyes are the window to the soul, looking into those eyes left me with no doubt she was having the time of her life. It was the kind of look I'll never forget, truly magical.

With her orgasm over she caught her breath for a few moments and then taking control pushed him onto his back and straddled him, they kissed briefly and he sucked on her nipples. She then headed south, licking his balls & running her tongue along the length of his shaft. She tucked her hair behind her left ear, clearly mindful of me wanting the best possible view. She playfully licked around the head of his cock, I panned in again catching the moment she locked her eyes with his as she took him into her mouth. She maintained eye contact as she slid him into the back of her throat, her cheek sockets displaying the amount of suction she was applying. What followed was 5 or 6 minutes of very intense fellatio, I have no idea how he managed to not blow his load. I know from my own experience with her oral skills it is very difficult to stay in control.
Once again truly incredible to watch her literally ravaging his cock like it was her last moment on Earth.

Finally, I got good closeups of him reaching his own orgasm, heard his groans, watched his ass clenching as he went over the edge and pumped her full of semen. He grabbed one of the camera's as he dismounted and went close up to her gaping pussy, his cum running out like a little river down into her ass crack.

The really amazing thing though is how a regular "Soccer Mom" like Alanna turns into a complete slut when given the opportunity to fuck another guy.  I know I've said it before but until you experience your porn star wife first hand, fucking and sucking someone else you have no idea what you are missing. So readers that's it for now, Alanna told me  few days ago that she would like the next get together to involve me. She has a real and genuine desire to experience the sensation of being double penetrated. This time with luck we will be able to fulfil that fantasy.

Of course I have many other fantasies which I'm hoping one day to also fulfil including her asking him to fuck her ass on one of their solo dates. The holy grail though would be to let him cum in her mouth, something she very rarely lets me do and when she does she immediately swallows. I'd love to watch her suck him dry and allow his cum to run down her chin onto her breasts, filthy, yes. Erotic, very.

 One day soon maybe..

 Mike.

Sin City.

So we booked a trip to Las Vegas which will be a mixture of business & pleasure. I have a conference to attend for a couple of days next week, afterwards we will be staying for several more days. Neither of us has ever been to Vegas so we're both pretty excited to go, oddly not for the gambling element because we're not really big on throwing away $$$.
We want to do some sightseeing, obviously, walk on the strip at night, a show or two, go on a grand canyon tour, visit the Hoover dam & maybe shoot some guns at a gun range.

Naturally we have other less plain vanilla orientated plans also, one of which is for Alanna to try to attract the attention of and hopefully be picked up by random men.
She will be alone while I'm at the conference so has the opportunity to meet guys while I'm not around. Maybe in a restaurant, poolside or wherever, she'll text me if she scores. In addition we're planning to go to bars in the evenings but enter the bar separately. She'll sit alone in a prominent target rich zone near the bar while I sit and watch from a distance, the objective of course to see if she gets hit on.

In both of these scenarios neither of us are really comfortable with her going alone to a stranger's hotel room, especially if I'm not around, but if she scores a guy she wouldn't mind fucking she'll propose for him to come back to our room either for a threesome or for me to simply watch them play.
Naturally some guys will likely be put off by this but there are also those who will no doubt welcome the opportunity to fuck her under any circumstances.
Fingers crossed!

Something else we're considering is a visit to the Red Rooster
It's a swinger / lifestyle club which has been open since 1982, it's not high on our list of priorities but would be a cool place to visit.

We'll keep the blog updated during our stay in Vegas so check back from time to time..

Mike